This is basically an 80s film that didn't bother getting made until the 90s -- and boy oh boy, this movie's got it all: Cardboard characters, a plethora of movie clichés, a classical Not-Really-Very-British British villain played by none other than Stacy Keach, a thoroughly annoying Boy Wonder, a quasi-wholesome teenybopper jiggle interest, lots of byplay and banter twixt Boy and Girl, fine literature (an Ancient Papyrus and a Teenage Girl's Journal), a Hidden Treasure, more clichés in the form of supporting characters/roles, heaps of I'm-So-Acting acting from a bunch of nobodies (excepting Keach, of course), and a script that's flatter than the proverbial pancake.

Oh, and it's got Stacy Keach as the Villain and he's got a black beard AND an Evil Henchman known as "Scorpion", and they delight in making schoolgirls shriek in terror.

I gave this film five stars but this should be taken as an *average*: If you're looking for a film to be taken seriously, that's a 1. If you're looking for something to riff on and rip apart à la Joel (or Mike) and the Bots, it's an easy 10. Fine fair for a Saturday afternoon when you don't feel like watching the footy and you're looking for any excuse to let the lawn grow just a bit longer.

Ooh ooh ooh -- and did I mention that Stacy Keach plays the villain?